New Breasts in 45 min or They’re Free

That’s right, in 24 hours from now I will have a new shiny set of breasts. Never in my life did I think I would have silicone implants but as of Monday afternoon my sternum will officially be the silicone valley. When I was in my early 20’s I had lots of friends who were less endowed talk about getting a boob job if they ever fell face first into a pile of cash (and for them, falling face first into anything is bound to hurt because there’s no boobs to soften the fall). I always thought I had just the right amount of boob and for a while, in those early 20’s, I felt like they were my best physical asset.

Someone upstairs must have thought that I got smug about my breasts and decided to throw this curveball at me. Beyond the mastectomy, chemo and all that other cancer stuff, I have spent the last 18 months super insecure about that part of my body and I know everyone reading this would say sweet things like, “you have nothing to feel bad about”, “you’re beautiful just the way you are” and “I definitely don’t think your chest looks like one of those laughing statues at English Bay if it was melting on one side”. Well thanks reader, I appreciate the sentiment but you’re full of kaka.

So tomorrow all of that will hopefully be rectified. I couldn’t believe it when I spoke to my plastic surgeon’s office and they told me that surgery was going to last 45 min. 45 min?!!? That’s it?? It takes longer to have new tires put on your car.

Lots of people have asked what size breast I am getting and I automatically answer “The Dolly” and that I’m getting my own Islands in the Stream, just for a laugh but truthfully I don’t really know. I never sat in a chair and squeezed a bunch of different sized implants or motorboated all the different options looking for the right fit. Although now that I’m talking about it, I wish I had.

The other question I have been getting lots is, “so what are they going to do?”. Since I am not a woman with breast tissue there to get an upgrade, I assume that the implant is going to have to be a bit larger. From my understanding they use the same incisions as last time and slip out the tissue expanders from under the pectoral muscle and then slide the implants into that spot. Then he will shape and stitch and send me on my way to recovery (hopefully with minimal barfing this time).

Ok, off to do my pre-surgery shower with the special soap and to try not to get too nervous. It’s funny, I have felt all kinds of nerves over the last couple months when I was waiting in line to walk the stage at graduation, the night before starting my new job and in the days leading up to the wedding hoping everything turned out just right. These are a different kind of nerves but ones I have felt before and strangely very familiar. It’s time to Be Brave once more.