I am a busy person. My fiancé will be the first to tell you that I take on too many things, have too many responsibilities and over commit myself on too many occasions. As much as I hate to admit it (and please, no one tell her I said this), she’s right. I happily over extend myself out of love – I am a doer and a fixer. I love my career, I love playing ball, I love (sometimes) school, I love working out and I love helping friends and family but more often than not, loving all those things leaves little time for anything else.
I am 5 days into recovery and it’s still 6 days until we find out what the next steps of treatment are going to look like so I am very aware that I am only touching the tip of this ice burg. But these 5 short days have been the beginning of an important lesson. I can’t push, pull or lift more than 5lbs for the next however many weeks which makes my arms about as useful as tits on a bull (too soon?). This requires me asking for help A LOT. This is not something that I am good at. I am actually terrible at it. But with these tubes sticking out of my sides and feeling like someone hit a line drive into my sternum, I am forced to get better at it. Here is a detailed list of some things I have discovered that I can’t do on my own right now:
I know it’s a pretty short list and although it might not be entirely true, it certainly feels that way at times – mostly when I need help pulling up my pants. I have had to resign myself to the fact that I need help to do simple things right now. It is hard in the moment but I also know that if I don’t allow others to help me I will end up setting my recovery back because I’ll have pushed too hard and the fear of that consequence is worth the vulnerability and swallowing of pride.
I think that if I can ask for someone to help me wash my hairy armpits (I can’t even wait to be allowed to shower and shave!), down the road when life returns to our regularly scheduled programming it will be easier for me to ask and accept help for the big things.